Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
