he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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