I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
