cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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