I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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