Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
