AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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