I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
