You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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