She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
