last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
