Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
