You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
