It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
