this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
