So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
