Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
