I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
