I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
