I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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