I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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