tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
