Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
