When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
