batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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