True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
