***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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