He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
