After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Shame - the story of my life.
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