hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
