Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
