i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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