I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
