tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
