I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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