i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
