if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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