i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
