so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
