You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
