So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
