who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
