Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
