I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's the barista slut.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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