He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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