you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
