This is not my ceiling
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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