Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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