I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
