I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
